What is grief and why do people process it differently?

If you’re reading this, it’s likely you or a loved one has been impacted by loss. If you’re dealing with a loss, or anticipating one, it can be helpful to know about the grieving process.  

Grief is complex. On one hand, grief is triggered by loss and is often accompanied by feelings of sorrow. On the other hand, grief can be an important and positive part of healing. Feelings of grief are not typically given a psychological diagnosis, as it’s not a mental health condition. However, for some, the overwhelming distress experienced during the grieving process may benefit from the help of a licensed psychologist.  

What is grief and what are some reactions we have when we're grieving?

Simply put, grief is an emotional experience that is brought about by loss. While it’s commonly considered in the context of death and the process of dying, loss occurs in many forms. An individual may grieve a breakup, the loss of a job, a meaningful asset like a home, and even the loss of hopes and dreams.  

When you’ve experienced loss, it’s natural and valid to feel intense—sometimes overwhelming—feelings of grief. Often, grieving is portrayed be extreme sadness, coupled with a longing to be with that person again (or, in other cases, to have those things in your life again). Here are some other feelings associated with grief:  

What factors may impact the grieving process? 

There is no wrong or right way to deal with grief, it’s very much a one-size-fits-all process. However, there are several factors that may affect an individual’s ability to process a loss.  

The cause of the loss: The type of loss may cause a certain reaction to grief. But more than that, the cause of the loss may factor into the grieving process. For instance, losing a family member to a tragic, but natural cause may elicit a different reaction than losing them to a horrific crime.  

The circumstances surrounding the loss: Grieving an unexpected loss, like a house fire, may leave an individual struggling with a range of emotions. Sometimes, someone who has had an unexpected loss may struggle with acceptance and may feel anger instead of sadness. On the other hand, if an individual has advanced warning of the loss, like a terminally ill friend, they may experience anticipatory grief. This may help the individual let go of the relationship gradually.  

The characteristics of the person grieving: There are personal factors that may impact how a person grieves. These characteristics may include resilience levels, and how this person manages and regulates emotion. It can also include the importance of the loss, as well as the support system the individual has surrounding them. For instance, someone who struggles with stress and lives far away from friends and family may have a harder time processing their grief.  

The culture of the individual: Just as individuals will grieve differently, different cultures may have a different set of rules, traditions, and celebrations around the experience of grief. For instance, some cultures may openly express their grief, while others consider grieving to be a private act.  

Some individuals may find themselves triggered by certain memories or calendar dates. The first birthday or the first holiday season after losing a loved one may leave an individual with renewed feelings of grief. 

What are some strategies for coping with grief?